Blue
by VonGikkingen
Summary: Being turned back into a grown up is bad enough - and on top of that August manages to run into the fairy that was there at the very beginning. But a lot have changed since she could just wave her wand and grant wishes...


"You've been grown-up for five minutes and you already need a drink?" said Blue in her usual disapproving tone as she joined me on my way to the bar. I briefly considered ignoring her and then remembered what effect it usually had…

"What do you want? I thought you gave the job of being my conscience to someone else," I said opening the door for her.

To my surprise she followed me in. I found myself missing the time when she was a nun and acting the part. But that seemed such a long time ago, and what I had to deal with these days was the familiar self-proclaimed authority on how other people should live their life. I sometimes wondered if she ever tried being brave, truthful and unselfish – but I was pretty sure she didn't tick those boxes any more successfully than I did.

"I want to see if you're alright. You don't get kidnapped by dark magic users every day," said Blue as she joined me by the bar.

"You don't know that much about my life after Enchanted Forest," I pointed out.

"No," she admitted. "So let's talk about it…"

"Let's not. I'm too old to for a fairy godmother to keep an eye on me. Especially one with such a poor record," I said and gestured to the barmaid. Blue at least had the decency to look guilty – as guilty as she could, since she was still so full of herself she could look at all her past meddling and truly believe she did everything right.

"I know how you must feel about me," she said after a moment.

"No, you really don't…"

"Do you imagine your life would be any better if I prevented your father from sending you away?"

"We'll never find out, will we…?"

"I'll apologize if that's what it takes to move this conversation forward," she said hesitantly.

"I know you will," I nodded. "You'll apologize because you imagine that will buy you some good points. But you'll still go on believing you were right all along. You always do."

She opened her mouth to reply but whatever she wanted to say didn't come. Instead she turned to the barmaid and asked for a drink.

"I don't like that. Acting like I don't make mistakes," she sighed. "But I have to…"

"Poor you," I said, annoyed. "Is this where you tell me turning me into a real boy was a mistake? Because you picked one of the days when I might actually agree with you…"

"I would _never_ say that," she said, genuinely outraged at that. "What's wrong with you…?"

"What's wrong with me?" I looked at her, ready to laugh. "I'm human. Pretty much _everything_ is wrong. Do you have any idea how many issues that comes with, even for those who aren't forced to live by a moral code some fairy composed at the spur of the moment."

"Well, at least you're consistent," she sighed and looked into her glass. "That was quite honest. Anything else you want to get out of your chest…?"

"If I need to talk to someone, you're really not the person I'll choose," I said.

"Good. I give terrible advice. The best thing that could happen to us is ending up in this place, where no one bothers to take it…" That made me do a double take. Either someone slipped something into her drink or I wasn't the only one who was forced to be honest.

And sure, I had a pretty bad day behind me, what with the whole kidnapping, evil witches, the dark one, and far more magic than I expected to experience when I got out of the bed this morning, looking a few decades younger than I did at the moment. But Blue sounded like her day was somehow far worse. Like it didn't end with a single day either.

"Is this what you sound like when you're feeling sorry for yourself?" I asked her.

"I wouldn't know. I try not to indulge too often… The fairies need me to be strong…" she sighed, sounding truly exhausted.

"You can always look for another job…" I said, before I realized I really had no reason to try to do something about her obvious depression. There was no reason I should be seeing it either. This was the time to have some liquid courage before seeing my father again. I didn't really know how he'll react to… _this._ But maybe the magnitude of that problem was why I was almost glad for the distraction Blue presented. Her crisis, whatever it was about, at least didn't affect any long suffering family members and that made it much less impressive.

"Tell me when you're ready to go," she said, not looking at me. "I'll go with you. Talk to Gepetto. Try to prepare him for what happened…"

"Why?"

"Because this isn't just your story. It's _our_ story. Like it or not we're all stuck in it. Me and Jiminy and Gepetto…" she said almost wistfully.

"How many stories do you consider yours?" I asked, finally seeing part of what her problem was.

"All of them," said Blue. "And I didn't have to get involved in most of them, I know that. No one forced me to meddle. But once I did there was just no way out. I'm stuck between the pages…"

"And it made you so melodramatic," I said, rolling my eyes. This was quite enough self-pity for me. "Come on then. Let's tell father magic screwed everything up once again."

"That's not how he'll see it," said Blue, but got up and followed me.

"Right. Because magic always makes things better…"

"He can never hate it. Not how you can. You never asked to be alive or to be a real boy – but he did ask for a son. And got one. Magic is something he'll always feel indebted to. At least we have the luxury to hate it."

That stopped me in my tracks. I turned to her, unable to believe what she just said.

"You're telling me you _hate_ magic…?" I asked.

"I'm telling you… I didn't ask to _be_ any more than you did. I was made by magic. And I didn't even get a moral code to go with it. I was free to be as dishonest and cowardly as I wanted," said Blue sadly.

"The dishonest part I get – you do more scheming than most evil witches. But how are you cowardly…?"

"By staying everything they expect me to be, instead of what I want to be," she said after some thought. "It takes bravery to be who you want to be, no matter how many people you disappoint."

"Is this about being a nun…?"

"It's about being a fairy. In a world without magic. No one needs us here – if they ever needed us in the first place. But the fairies don't know what else to be… And they need someone to lead them."

That surprised me. For a moment I felt that her self-pity was almost justified. "So if you're not a fairy, if you stop being the mother superior – what do you want to be?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "I'd just like the chance to find out."

I nodded, feeling like I understood her in that moment. Understood a person she was in this town, not a fairy she was back in the Enchanted Forest. Though something about the way she spoke made me think these weren't thoughts that were brought out by Storybrooke.

"Come. We better talk to your father. He must be worried," she said and just like that the mask I never even noticed her removing was back in the place. She was the perfect fairy once again. She knew where this story was going – or pretended to know, which amounted to the same thing – and it seemed unthinkable that she could be anything else.

Which was in its own way almost sad. But those were the stories we were dealt – for every moment of happiness, for every group-hug and every family reunited there were unspoken doubts and guilt and too many worries about the forever uncertain future.

Whoever imagined this will have happy ending must have been hopelessly naïve.


End file.
